a wish

I wish to feel smaller under your sheets. i wish for the whole truth every time you speak. i'm thinking about how you care half as much for me while i watch you arrive, smoke cigarettes and sleep. and i guess it doesn't matter what i say or what i seem. you stuck what i felt for you in the pocket of your jeans. ignoring me the morning after isn't enough and i swear i'm gonna cry. i'm sick of trying to be tough. and my blood won't stick to the confines of my veins. and your heart is going to tear mine away. and i wish to feel smaller under your hands. though you seem satisfied as you slip mine down your pants. and i guess it doesn't matter what i am or pretend to be because it's her you'll always love and it's her i'll always envy. i want to end this now so dreams of you won't keep me up. and it's hard to find what i want when its buried beneath the biggest rock. i could pay lots of money to help lift it with  machines. but i'm not sure you'd cooperate not sure you'd come clean. your heart teared mine away.